You hate your son's girlfriend, what do you do?

They say that a mother always is closer to her sons, and a father his daughters. Certainly when it comes to matters of the heart, mothers-in-law are portrayed negatively in many a sitcom, whereas the father-in-law seems less of a comedic character, yet father /daughter relationships have a lot of mileage in television drama. Boys are far more worried about meeting their girlfriends' father, than the mother. Conversely, girls know that their boyfriend's dad can love them, but if mom does not like them, they are in trouble.

When your son falls in love, he partly replaces you, his mom, with an interloper who obviously does not know him as well as you do, but has captured his heart. However rational you try to be, a part of you is a little sad that your son is moving on emotionally. Then, the first time you meet her you take an instant dislike to her, and you find it really hard to talk to her civilly. Maybe it's the way she looks, or the way she behaves towards your son, but you are struggling to find anything appealing about her. You want to say to him, she's no good, how can you possibly like her? You must not say a thing! Your relationship with your son is far too valuable to risk over someone who may or may not be around for the long-term.

You need to examine your reactions to your son's girlfriend in the cold light of day; did she remind you of someone you distrust? Are you a little bit jealous? However uncomfortable these questions make you feel, it is important that you understand your emotions in this situation. Whatever you do, at the early stages of the relationship, you should not discuss this with your son, he is not ready to see past the first flush of love, will feel forced to choose between you and there is a strong chance you could lose. You also need to give the girl a chance; she may have behaved badly through nerves, or been so shy it came across as rude.

Try and create a relaxed atmosphere the next time you meet, get your husband, partner, friend to be there too. Afterwards, discuss it with them and see whether they feel the same way you do. If you are alone in disliking this girl, you may just have to live with it, at some stage your son will work it out and you will have to be civilized about it. It may not last, but you need to maintain a relationship with your son that is separate from that which he has with his girlfriend. Your instincts may be right, she turns out to be awful, breaks his heart and you help pick up the pieces. Whichever way it works out, remember, you do not have to like your son's girlfriend, but you do have to tolerate her for his sake!