You hate your daughter's boyfriend, what do you do?

All fathers feel protective towards their daughters; it is natural, part of parental instinct. However emancipated your family, however independent the women in it may be; a man cannot help but feel he needs to protect the women more than the men. So when a teenage daughter starts dating boys, her dad is going to worry, after all, he remembers what he was like at that age! In some families, certain rituals remain, such as a boy asking a dad permission to take the daughter to the prom, or just out on a date. When daughters get married, dad is the one who "gives her away"; there is sort of transfer of ownership implied in the ceremony.

The boys a daughter dates may feel quite intimidated by the father; but this does not become serious until the first really serious relationship. It is the boy she brings home, having told mum, "he's the one", to dinner, to meet the family properly, he is the boy that dad has to truly worry about. What happens if at first sight, dad hates his daughter's boyfriend? Even worse, what if her mum really likes him and dad is in a minority of one with his feelings? If you are that dad you probably find it very hard to hide your feelings about this boy and your daughter has probably noticed.

You should not be hasty to act on your instincts. Unless you have really good reason, and proof, that his boy will harm your teenage daughter; do not ban her from seeing him. Star crossed lovers are a favorite theme of tragedies in many plays and books, and it rarely ends well.

Try to quantify your dislike; does he seem untrustworthy, or do you think she will rush into a physical relationship too quickly with this boy? Sex is not a topic many dads feel comfortable talking about with their daughters; you will have to enlist mum's help with this, or perhaps an aunt or good female friend. If you feel he is not good enough for your daughter, beware of saying so. She may be less rigid in her opinions of people than you are and you will lose her respect if you show prejudice in that way.

You have a right to voice your concerns if you think the relationship is moving too fast, but do not include a criticism of the boyfriend in those concerns. Your aim here is to keep your daughter listening to you, so be reasonable and neutral, and discuss her future with her, the importance of not losing her female friends because of a relationship. With any luck, this boy will not be the one, just one of a few and maybe you will like the next one better?