Is your teenager a bully?

Most parents would be reluctant to call their teenager a bully, the word has emotive connotations and implies that their teenager is unpleasant and aggressive. It is, however, not an issue that should be ducked or avoided; bullying has driven some teens to suicide and no parent would want that on their conscience. Bullying behavior is hard to define for some parents, especially when it comes to boys. A bit of rough and tumble is thought of as natural behavior in boys, and standing up for oneself is actively encouraged by many fathers as part of their advice to their sons.

For many teens, a tough, uncompromising father is to be admired, a man who is a man and takes no nonsense from anyone, is a parent that many boys long for. There is a fine line between being tough and being a bully, and some men cross it without realizing, so becoming a role model for their children who imitate the behavior and find that it gives them power over others.

So, what is bullying behavior and how can you identify if your teenager is becoming a bully? Firstly, understand that bullying is learned behavior and therefore can be unlearned. If a parent in the household, or an older sibling, always gets their own way by being aggressive or pushy, or refusing to take no for an answer, this may be the source of the learned behavior. Bullies are usually compensating for a perceived weakness; they may feel inadequate in a variety of ways that shows in them picking on others, putting others down, before they are picked on themselves.

The parent who always needs to be in control may unwittingly pass this behavior on to their teenager, who, being less mature, displays this need for control through bullying others. Bullying is any action, verbal or physical, that demeans others deliberately. It is intentional behavior that means to dominate or hurt another person, a shift of power from the victim to the bully.

You may not realize that your teenager is a bully until you are contacted by their school; schools have very clear bullying policies that include a means for bullying to be reported, and they will investigate any such incident. If, when confronted, your child denies it and gets angry, you will have to dig deeper to find out what is going on. You may discover that your child has been bullied in the past and they are bullying others to prevent this happening again.

Be worried, if when they admit to this behavior they seem to show no remorse; this is serious and you need to deal with it immediately. Lack of remorse for acts of intimidation indicates a more significant personality disorder, requiring professional intervention. Whatever your feelings about your teenager; if you discover they are bullying others, you cannot ignore it, you must take action.