Teenagers and the pressures of fitting in at school

We all know that teenagers like to fit in, be part of a group, be accepted, it is part of high school and adolescent life. For some teenagers this is far harder than parents realize, and the feeling of being an outsider can cause a lot of problems. High school children can be very cruel, and some are just downright mean to their peers.

At any school there are the popular crowd, the ones who are good at sports, the ones who are clever, the ones who are on the council, the ones that become prom queen and king. For the rest of the high school population, there are different ways to be accepted, and some teens perfect the art of staying well below the radar and not drawing attention to themselves, avoiding being noticed by anyone who can make their lives difficult.

For parents, this may be baffling; their teenager seems like a well adjusted, pleasant child, and they cannot imagine why anyone should find them different or strange. Think back to high school, you knew who the in- crowd were, you may have been part of it, or happy in your own group and undisturbed by any other group. Some teenagers find themselves in the spotlight for no good reason; they may simply have been a handy person to make fun of when the leader of a group wanted some attention from their followers.

Once this happens, if the teenager is lucky, they can disappear back into anonymity. Unfortunately, most intelligent youngsters do not like being made fun of for no good reason, and they will react, at this stage they make themselves a target for further confrontation, because they have challenged the authority of a popular, in crowd member.

The bullying that can occur as a result of bad encounters with the high school clique can push your teenager in a number of directions. They may become withdrawn, start doing badly at school, truant, or even start being rude and angry at home because they feel they have no power or control at school. Alternatively, they may decide to get in with the high school tough crowd, in an attempt to find protection. This can lead to serious behavior issues, as they become less the teenager you knew, more the hardened, cynical, aggressive teenager that nobody will challenge.

Whatever direction your teenager takes to avoid being bullied at high school, it is probably something they will not talk to you about, especially if you liked high school and do not take their early comments about having a hard time seriously. You must talk to your teen about how they are coping, without expecting them to be doing alright, or dismissing their concerns. If you keep an eye on your teens social experiences at school, you may be able to avoid future trouble.