How to deal with a teenager who is a bully

Teenagers who bully others may do so for a number of reasons, and if you discover your child is a bully, you need to identify these reasons. The teenager, who bullies, may at some point have been bullied by others. Although this knowledge may well upset a parent who had no idea their child had been bullied, it is not an excuse for becoming a bully. The parent will need to deal with the teenagers feelings of having been a victim, but they cannot use that to justify their child's current behavior.

The victim turned vigilante is a popular storyline in many movies; in real life it is not to be condoned or accepted as a way of dealing with problems. Bullying behavior is often a cover up for feelings of inadequacy and weakness. The bully may be different from their peers, and to avoid that difference becoming a reason for non-acceptance, they assert their power over others and create their own group of followers. A bully may be unable to accept blame or the consequences of their actions and feeling insecure and anxious, intimidates others to compensate for their own shortcomings. Having got to the bottom of your teenagers' bullying behavior the parent then needs to take action.

Most high schools have counselors who are trained to deal with bullying incidents. Often, however, the emphasis is on the victim, and the perpetrator has little support. It will be difficult for the teenager who is a bully to reestablish their position at high school; they may even have been expelled from school and be moving to a new one. A lot of schools will not accept a bully back into school unless they have participated in some sort of behavior modification program.

This is a good idea if your teenager is exhibiting any other aggressive or anti-social behavior on top of the bullying. For some parents, finding out their child is a bully is the first step to realizing their child has serious conduct disorder issues. There are many options for the teenager with aggressive tendencies; teenage boot camp, wilderness camps, behavior modification centers. They are usually situated in areas far from town centers, somewhere the teenager can get away from the triggers for their behavior. All of these places that offer residential programs, will also offer schooling options, so your child will continue with their studies whilst they learn to control their aggressive behavior and understand methods of resolving conflict that do not include violence. If your child is a bully, you need to support them in finding a way to stop this behavior and resolve the underlying reasons for them becoming a bully in the first place.