How to deal with step children
My partners' children have cast me in the role of evil stepfather/wicked stepmother. Children suffer when their parents split up, but they generally adjust, until a new partner comes along and upsets the family dynamic. What do you do about disciplining obnoxious teenagers who are not your own but who you live with? It is really hard to take on the role of step parent to teenagers, especially when they are used to having one hundred percent attention from both parents whenever they see them. The guilt that parents feel when they divorce can often translate into indulgent behavior towards their children as a form of compensation. You are the interloper, you are taking their dad or mum's attention away from them, and therefore you must be evil!
Teenagers can be very cruel and quite determined to make your life miserable if they feel you have stolen affection from them. They are jealous of you and it is a dangerous emotion, robbing people of reason and civilized behavior. Clearly you have to enlist your partners help in tackling this without making them choose between you and their children. If you are lucky, the absent parent will also have a partner and together you may have more success in dealing with the green eyed monster and getting the respective parents to toughen up with their children. However, that is not always the case, the absent parent may have good reason (in their eyes) to hate you and they fuel their children's dislike of you without worrying about the consequences to the children.
Teenagers are learning about relationships from those around them and you could be a good role model if they let you. You need to find something new that you and your step children do together without their parent, you have to forge a relationship with them independent of the family situation. It will require patience and persistence and there will be many setbacks. Your teenage step children may feel they are betraying the absent parent if they start to like you and you have to make it clear that you are not a replacement.
You will also have to spend some time trying to persuade the absent parent that it is in the teenager's interests that you all get along, or at least that you can be civil towards each other. Sadly, some step parents do not want the burden of existing teenage children and the family breaks down completely. There are some children so deeply affected by the divorce that their behavior towards a step parent becomes untenable and difficult choices have to be made. However, if you are able to change the label of wicked and evil, you may find a great deal of enjoyment being the step-parent of teenagers.