Help! My step child is a monster!

You may have just happily remarried and your own children have adjusted well, and your future is looking good, and then your step child comes to stay. If you have never had to deal with a defiant and rude teenager before, it may comes as a shock when the surly alien sitting at your dining table suddenly starts yelling at their parent, swears and slams out of the room in fury.

Whilst your new partner is probably wishing the ground would open up beneath them and your own children are in dumbfounded shock, you are probably frantically trying to recall at what point did your new partner tell you that they had a devil for a child? It is one thing to grow up with a child who becomes an adolescent nightmare, quite another to have one fully formed storm into your life. You are going to need a crash course in defiant teen parenting and you need to get onto it straight away.

How to handle a defiant step teen

• Talk to your partner, if necessary; be relentless until they have told you what the worst case scenario is regarding their teenager.


• If your step teen has a recognizable condition such as ADHD or ODD, then get reading until you understand what that means.


• Ensure that if your step teen has any medication that you have some at your house, in case they forget it when they come to visit.


• Make sure that you have all the telephone numbers that you need in case of an emergency; your step teens' parents' home and mobile numbers, doctor's, therapist's, school's numbers.


• You do not have to try and become your step teens best friend, but you need to avoid an enemy classification if possible!


• When they are not slamming doors, talk to them, acknowledge their anger, explain that you are not "taking" their parent from them and that they will have time with their parent without you there.


• One word of caution; if your step teen has been violent, then you should avoid leaving them alone with your children until you are certain the violence is under control. This is not paranoia, it is common sense, and you have a duty of care towards your own kids.


• If your step teen is in a lot of trouble, you need to be kept informed, and you should be supportive of your partner if they need to make difficult decisions about the welfare of their child.

Inheriting a defiant and troubled teen can be quite an undertaking, but you could be a helpful and neutral adult in their lives. Make sure that your partner keeps you aware of what is happening with your step teen and that you also, keep your own children informed.