How to help your teenager handle your divorce
No parent wants to go through a divorce, especially if they have children. When you have teenage children it is even harder, as they are not babies who do not understand what is happening. Most divorces are initiated by one party and the other parent can feel overwhelmed by misery and pain and have little time left for their teenager. The parent who leaves, will feel guilt and a certain amount of anger at feeling guilty, mixed emotions, but quite normal for this situation.
The teenager feels betrayed, overwhelmed and upset. They may well feel anger, not always at the leaving parent, often at the remaining one, for allowing the situation to happen. This will seem cruelly unfair to the parent trying to keep the household together and functioning normally.
Before the divorce there may well be a period of time during which the relationship is breaking down before the teenagers eyes, rows and shouting and miserable silences with no explanation given by either parent as to what is happening. Parents struggling with the end of their partnership rarely talk to their teenagers about what is going on, too wrapped up in their own misery they fail to see the harm they are doing to their children. Teenagers need security, emotional security above all else; they are poorly equipped to handle uncertainty and disruption to their routines. They may complain about their parents and the boring family life they have, but they expect it to be there, as a constant in the background.
Divorce, however handled, is messy and emotional and frequently financially punitive. Your teenager needs to know what is happening, or they will imagine far worse. They need explanations from both of their parents, not blame or recrimination, but clear honest discussion about how their lives will change. The effects of the divorce will impact them directly and they need to be prepared for this. They may not be able to enjoy all the activities they did previously, they may need to move house, or even school and if this is sprung on them at the last minute, they will hate the parents for not telling them earlier.
Divorce, however handled, is messy and emotional and frequently financially punitive. Your teenager needs to know what is happening, or they will imagine far worse. They need explanations from both of their parents, not blame or recrimination, but clear honest discussion about how their lives will change. The effects of the divorce will impact them directly and they need to be prepared for this. They may not be able to enjoy all the activities they did previously, they may need to move house, or even school and if this is sprung on them at the last minute, they will hate the parents for not telling them earlier.