When a step child is out of control, making the hard decision

When a teenager reaches a certain point, they can be classified as being out of control, but often the family, having lived the journey, cannot see just how bad the situation has become. It may well be the step parent that sees just how serious the situation is, and the dilemma is, should they say something? The term step parent here is being used to describe any long term partner of a man or woman who has children.

Say you are a woman who has moved in with your boyfriend and his daughter, you are going to find yourself in a parenting situation whether you planned this or not. In fact if you are in a relationship with someone who has children it is na�ve and childish to believe that you have no responsibility in this environment. If you live under the same roof, then you are part of the family. It is often the "outsider" who can see the damage that is being done within a family and they need to have the courage to speak up.

You have to walk a fine line between sounding as if you are criticizing the parent and genuinely being able to help the child. A teen on self destruct will often take the whole family down with them unless someone intervenes. When you first raise the subject with your partner, you may find that they are in denial. They are so used to their teens' awful behavior that they no longer see it for what it is a desperate cry for help. Some teens find themselves in a vicious cycle of bad behavior and a parent who just adapts to it, when what they need, is a parent who says stop, this is enough.

Helping your partner see that their desperate teen needs help

• Focus on the teens emotions not their behavior when having a discussion with your partner


• Point out how unhappy the teenager seems


• Ask about how they are doing at school, has school said anything?


• Has the absent parent said anything? If it is negative, do they have any particular reason?


• Does the teen have any good friends that the parent can talk to, or that you can talk to?


• Do any other members of the family have anything to say in support?

You cannot tell your partner their teen is bad, naughty, out of control, you will meet immediate resistance. You can get them to see how unhappy, scared and lonely their teenager is and how they need a parent to help them. This may be the single best thing you ever do for your partner's family; get their teenager the help that they need.