For parents of adopted children, the teenage years can be especially fraught. When children reach the teenage years they become preoccupied with their sense of identity; these are the years when they try to define themselves, understand their place in the world and develop a sense of self. It can be particularly difficult for adopted children as they are missing a piece of the puzzle they need to put together to understand the type of person they are.

It will also depend on when they discovered that they are adopted, as to how well they handle this period of development. Adopted children who do not find out that they are adopted until the teenage years may react very badly to the news, and it would certainly be better if they knew the truth before they reach this volatile time in their lives. The adoptive parents may also find this time stressful, despite counseling they received when they adopted their child; it is still difficult to handle the teens' questions about their birth parents.

There may be fear of rejection, that the teen will no longer regard them as the parents; ironically the teen themselves may be feeling an overwhelming sense of rejection too, and be wondering if there is something wrong with them that made their birth parents abandon them.

Some teens take the knowledge of their adoption in their stride when younger, but now question it, using it as justification for any conflict experienced between them and their adoptive parents. Teenagers never believe that their parents understand them, adopted or not, but the adopted teen may use this fact to support a feeling of alienation from their parents.

Arguments between teens and their adoptive parents will inevitably at some stage include the charge from the teen that the parents are not even the teens' true parents. Hurtful as this is, the parents need to understand that teenagers will always hurls unkind accusations at their parents during a row, and this is just an example of the teens' frustration and distress. Adopted teens may well want to know about their birth parents, even try to find them or contact them.

This is not a rejection of their adoptive parents, but a natural curiosity and part of their need to define themselves. Although what they find out may not be agreeable, parents need to support their teen through this process, and avoid, where possible any negative references to the birth parents. Teens will see criticism of their birth parents as an indictment against their own personality, and this will further fuel their conflict with the adoptive parents. Parenting teenagers is a difficult process at the best of times; parenting adopted teens has its own set of unique challenges.