My teen needs help but I don't know how bad their problem is!

You know your teen has problems, but are not sure if they are "normal" teenage issues, or should you find them some help. Not all teens need a full time residential school, some will benefit from short stays, and other therapies. The first step is to assess the level of the teens' disengagement and defiance, and try to match the teen to a suitable program. There are many therapists who will assess your teenager, but the parents know their teen best, so a personal assessment is important too.

The parents' emotions will tend to cloud their judgment, but they are also capable of being honest with themselves and the therapist about the extent of the problem. A guide to assessing your teen's needs is set out below. It is important to be honest, and understand that your teen will benefit most if you are absolutely clear about their behavior and the extent of the problem. Assess your teen on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being occasional incidents and 5 being behavior that is constant.

General behavior

• Is your teen moody and negative?


• Does your teen lock themselves in their room away from the family?


• Does your teen lose their temper easily?


• When angry, does your teen throw any items, slam doors, behaves aggressively?


• Does your teen acknowledge criticism as fair?


• To what level does your teen argue back, do they ever accept your point of view?


• Is your teen violent towards their siblings?


• Is your teen violent towards you?


• Does your teen stay out late without telling you?


• Does your teen take part in family activities?


• Are you afraid of your teen?


• Does your teen do any chores?


• Does your teen sit down and eat with the family?

Specific behavior

• Do you think your teen is smoking? See, Is My Teen Using Drugs?


• Do you think your teen is having sex?


• Do you think your teen is drinking?


• Do you suspect your teen of stealing from you or the family?


• Has your teen been in trouble with the police?

Changes in behavior

Having completed this assessment, make an appointment for you and your teen with a therapist and take the results of this assessment with you. They need to know these answers, and you will be better prepared and ready to help.