Parental Balancing Act

Sometimes parenting can be like a balancing act. Children and teens need to be monitored and supervised, but how can this be done without smothering them? This question is a difficult one to answer. Most teens will feel smothered if you ask them a simple question like, where they are going. The older they get the more sensitive they become to any questions from their parents.

Some parents wait until they suspect their child or teen is making poor choices to start asking them these types of questions. The key is to start when they are young, asking them to check in, and to let you know where they are etc. If a parent waits until their teen is engaged in negative behaviors to begin asking too many questions, they will have a difficult time obtaining truthful answers.

Perception Problem

So you probably wouldn't be reading this article if you weren't having problems communicating with your teen. Here are a few ideas to try to pry the communication gate open. Teens think they are adults, and that they are capable of making adult decisions. The difficulty might be a perception problem. The teen sincerely thinks they are an adult and the parents sincerely think they are still a child. Both teen and parent perceive the same situation differently. In reality you are both right. A parent will always think of their child as a child, it is inherent with the instincts of parenting.

Once a child is old enough to begin going places on their own, they begin to develop independence. This is just how nature designed things. It is similar to a bird leaving the nest for the first time. The trick comes in giving the teen enough freedom to feel free, and make choices, while still being involved enough to monitor those decisions. It is also important that the parent be able to make course correction suggestions when the teen begins heading down the wrong path.

Blah Blah Blah

If the teen doesn't believe parents are sincere they will only hear blah, blah, blah, when the parent talks. This may even happen when the parent is sincere. Parents will need to develop a line of communication with their teen. The best way to visualize the importance of this line would be to compare it to the rope used by a rock climber. If the rock climber slips, someone is at the other end of the rope to catch them from falling to their death. The analogy is a little dramatic, but definitely not an exaggeration of the importance of communications with a teen. In order for a teen to begin to trust their parents they will need to have some common interests. This requires parents to drop the parenting shield a little so the teen can see that the parent may really know what they are talking about. In other words parents will need to talk to their teen like they would another adult.

The best way to open these types of dialogues can be while doing things together. It isn't important what activity the teen and parent share, as long as they have an activity to share. The old adage, "nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care", is especially true with your teen. If your teen can see that you truly love them and are interested in their welfare they will be more receptive to your input. It is also important to remember that your teen doesn't need another friend, they need a parent. Some parents think they need to act like a teenager to relate to their teenager. This isn't true, remember the teen thinks they are an adult.