Parents in denial over their defiant teen
Most parents remember being a teenager, for some it was rocky at times but they got through, for others it is a very painful memory and one they would prefer to forget. When parents of teenagers see their child starting to act out, their own experience of adolescence may influence how they handle their own teen. We all know that being a teenager is hard, maybe our parents handled our teenager anxieties very badly, and we are determined this will not happen with our own teenagers.
Sometimes, parents feel dreadfully guilty because they are making the home situation more difficult, through job loss, divorce, illness or even just working so hard, they have little time for their children. Although there are many situations that are nobody's fault, as parents they are expected to look after their family and so they shoulder the blame for things going wrong. All teenagers act up, yes they do, and many teenagers make it through adolescence with nothing more serious than an occasional drunken episode and being grounded for staying out late.
The problems arise when a teenager is doing more than acting out, when they are heading for seriously destructive behavior and parents persist in the notion that this a normal part of growing up. Nobody wants to admit their teenager is out of control, it reflects badly on the adults around them, so parents will look to blame the child's school, the friends they have, anybody but themselves. What they do not seem to realize is that it is not a question of blame; it is a matter of a teenager needing help for behavior that is spiraling out of control and will end up becoming a criminal matter, or worse, cause the teen themselves, irreparable physical and emotional damage.
Parents need to be honest with themselves, and their teenager, and take a good, long, hard look at their teens' behavior, before dismissing it as normal growing up, or teenage high jinks. Is the teenager angry, belligerent when they do not get their own way and abusive or offensive to family members? Is the teenager secretive, lying about their whereabouts, disappearing for periods of time and coming home late? Has the teenager started being late for school, truanting, and their grades started to drop? Are the friends the teen hangs round with, older, a bad crowd, or even, virtually unknown to the parents?
Has money gone missing from the house and the teen have unexpected new clothes or expensive items? Is the teenager getting into fights, become defiant and refusing to follow instructions? Are there any physical signs that the teen is taking drugs or emotional withdrawal from the family? The list of indicators that a teenager is in serious trouble goes on, and parents who refuse to see or acknowledge the warning signs are risking their teens' long-term wellbeing. Denial is a dangerous course of action. The teenager exhibiting any of these signs of self destructive behavior needs help, intervention, and quickly before it is too late.