Re-marrying after divorce, handling your teens' reaction

A divorce can be a difficult time for a teenager and this may be a point at which they start acting up and being defiant. However, at some stage you may be in a new relationship as you have moved on. The problem is that often your teen has not moved on, they may still be grieving over the divorce, and have unresolved issues. Depending on the time that has elapsed since your separation, your teen may have only just settled into a routine with you and their absent parent.

If a great deal of time has elapsed you may have a different problem, that of your teen feeling that they are effectively the second adult in the house and are comfortable with being that way. Your new partner may be seen as an intruder or, worse, the enemy. If you are re-marrying after being widowed, it is even trickier, as teenagers tend not to understand that adults can love again after tragedy. Whatever the circumstances, introducing your teen to the idea of a step parent, and handling their emotional reaction will be a delicate time for you and your new partner. See below for some guidelines as to how to handle this tricky period.

Handling your teens reaction

• Whatever you do, do not lie about the situation! You do not have to tell your teen every detail about how you met your new partner, but do not lie; you must deal with this situation honestly. It is alright to explain you have known your new partner for a while and were waiting until you felt comfortable to introduce them, explaining is good, it avoids your teen thinking you were hiding things from them


• Try not to say that it will be better now that you have a new partner, they do not necessarily think this, and it may be better for them, but right now they cannot see the benefit.


• Avoid telling your teenager how they will feel, e.g. "you will like your new step dad, he supports the Broncos". It is insulting, and at the beginning they will probably hate their new step parent!


• Explain the time frame, they may feel you are rushing into re-marriage, and they should be allowed to express this opinion without you getting defensive.


• If the first time they meet your new partner is to be told you are getting married, you have handled this badly! They should have time to get to know this person, and whilst you may have wanted to keep it secret until you were sure, they have not had that time with your partner.

Above all, give it time, do not rush matters, allow both your teen and partner to get to know each other.