When a parent is ill and teens act out
Teenagers, however much they rail against them, expect their parents to always be there, always tolerate what the teen does, even if they do not! There is the expectation that however much they fight their parents, they will always be in the teens life, behaving in a certain way. When a parent becomes ill, the family dynamic changes, and the teenager can feel very insecure and unable to handle the change.
If the parents' illness is serious, the teenager may find themselves having to take on more adult responsibility than they are used to. Some teenagers rise to the occasion, and although it may be a frightening time for them, they mature quickly and become very responsible adults. The expectation from those around the family is that the teenager has to help, after all that is what families do; they pull together in a crisis. The teenager may not be equipped to deal with this, and although they know that they should be helping, instead they act out and add to the family's burdens.
This can be very hard for the parent coping with their partners' illness and they may not have the reserves to handle a teen behaving badly. The teenager will find that their needs are secondary to that of the ill parent and the rest of the family. Priorities will change and the teenager will be at the bottom of the list. At the very least, they will be expected to continue going to school, possibly look after siblings, help with chores, but not ask for anything extra.
The teen may react to this by staying out with friends, avoiding going home or getting into trouble at school. If the parents have not explained the nature of the illness to the teenager, they may be very scared that they will lose their parent, and unable to deal with this possibility; behave badly to get attention and reassurance. The parent who is handling the situation may be unable to pay much attention to what their teen is up to, the normal parental controls have slipped and it is an opportunity for the teenager to do previously forbidden activities.
Whilst it is an extremely difficult situation to handle, the parents need to involve their teen as much as possible, enlist help from other family members to spend time with the teen, explain what is happening, and perhaps, keep an eye on them. Schools can be very supportive in these cases and need to be kept informed as to what is going on in the family. Hopefully when the parent recovers their relationship with the teen will be re established and the teenagers� acting out will have been a temporary occurrence. If the teens' behavior deteriorates seriously, then a residential program may be the answer to help the teen back to the right path, and the family a breathing space.