Do you know where your teenager is?

Too often, parents are the last to know their teenager is in trouble. They get a shock when the phone call comes from the police station and they feel shame and embarrassment when asked if they did not know their teenagers whereabouts. As parents, we want to trust our teenagers and not interrogate them every time they step out the door. However, the downside to this liberal attitude is that we don't always know what our teen is getting up to, and they possibly think we don't care.

You need to strike a balance between concern and control! It is reasonable to ask what time a teenager is coming home and who they are going out with. You should talk to your teenager generally, about their friends, so that you get to learn the names and have an idea of their background, and connection to your child, be it a schoolmate, a friend from youth club, or team mate from sports. If your child is staying overnight with a friend, you should have their phone number, know their parents names, chat to the friends parents about the stopover and make sure you offer the same in return.

Most teenagers nowadays have a mobile phone, make sure you have their number, and they have yours, but resist the temptation to keep phoning to check where they are. If you do need to contact them, sending them a text is much more low key and discreet, and they will not lose face in front of their friends! They want to know that you care about them but that you trust them too. This gets harder when you find out that they have lied to you about where they were going. You have the right to be angry about this; and grounding them is certainly an appropriate sanction. However, once they have served their time, don't keep going on about it. Yes, they have to earn your trust again, and you can tell them that, but at some point, they have to believe you trust them again, and they are forgiven.

Teenagers do not realize the fear a parent feels when they cannot find their child. They knew they were safe, but you didn't, and that fear will make you angry with them. Before this happens, explain why you need to know where they are, because you care and want them to remain safe; they are then much more likely to keep you up to date with their whereabouts.