Ten Top Mistakes Parents Make When Choosing a Residential Camp for their Teen
Mistake number 10: My ex husband/wife does not need to get involved in this, or, I can sort this out without involving my husband or wife.
Your teenager has two parents, whether they live together or not. If you have remarried, or have a new partner, or share the parenting of your teen with a step parent, it does not matter. All parents involved in your teen's life should be involved in this decision, however difficult you may find their involvement. What you have probably realized by now is that although you feel that your life is being disrupted by your teen's behavior; choosing a residential camp for your teen is all about them. This is one of those unselfish times in your life, when the teen is at the center of the decisions, and your needs are best served by what works well for your teenager.
How to effectively agree a course of action with their other parent
- If the parent is resistant to the whole idea of residential treatment, allow them time to air their views and offer alternatives
- Absent parents may offer to look after the teenager, this could be an option, agree a trial period
- A parent in denial of their teens needs may have to talk to the teens' therapist to understand what is going on
- Abdication of the decision to you is not an option; the teen will use that as leverage and you will be "blamed" if it does not work well
- Arguments should not occur in front of the teen, it gives them ammunition to use against both of you
- The extent of the financial burden needs to be understood, and where possible, shared
- This is not the time for "good cop, bad cop" routines; the teenager needs to believe you are in agreement
- Do not allow dissent to give your teenager any leverage to play you off against each other
Whatever your personal differences or feelings, this is the time for a united front, and agreement on a course of action. Your troubled teen needs the security of knowing the decision is final and in their best interests and supported by you both. A placement in a residential teen camp or therapy center will only be effective if supported by both parents. A good treatment center will expect the family to take part in therapy in order to learn how to handle the teen on their return. This should be something that both parents are committed to, or at least agree not to undermine!