Ten Top Mistakes Parents Make When Choosing a Residential Camp for their Teen
Mistake Number 3 - "We want our teen sorted out"
Teenagers with problems sometimes have underlying mental or physical health issue, the teen themselves is not the problem, their behavior is the problem. When a child behaves badly, the more often that you tell them that they are bad, the more you destroy their self-esteem, until they too blame their "badness" for everything.
They are not bad; their behavior is bad, unacceptable, and inappropriate and needs to change. If a child believes that they are intrinsically bad, they will not believe that they can change or be 'fixed'.
Consider the following questions before sending your defiant teen away to be "sorted" out
- Have you and your family attended any family therapy sessions?
- Has your teen been assessed by a psychologist or therapist?
- Has your teen always been a "naughty" child?
- Are there other, "good" children in the family, or are they naughty children too?
- Have you spoken to your teens' school about their behavior?
There are a lot of avenues to be explored before sending your teen to boot camp, as you need to ensure that you choose the most appropriate camp for your child's needs. It is exhausting when your teen is defiant and rude and will not follow family rules, and sometimes one imagines that an outside influence, such as camp, will succeed where the family has failed. However, unless you are prepared to work with the camp that your teen goes to, and consider family therapy alongside it, then you are setting your teen up for failure.
A strong disciplined environment such as boot camp may be the answer, but what happens when the teen returns home? If the family have not learnt the structure of discipline, the teen may simply revert to their previous behavior, relieved that there is no drill sergeant telling them what to do! Make sure that you can answer the above questions and know the answers to the ones below, before choosing the camp for your teen.
- Is your teenager violent, how often and when?
- Does your teen listen to anyone in the family at all, if so, who?
- Do you feel your teen needs punishment or help?
- Will you miss your teenager when they are away at camp?
- Have you tried a summer camp to see how your teen responds?
Answer honestly, and be sure that you are absolutely clear as to what your teenager needs to do to improve their behavior. Be honest with yourself about what you want from the camp, and make sure that you discuss this with any residential school you are considering.