Ten Top Mistakes Parents Make When Choosing a Residential Camp for their Teen
Mistake number 5: It should only take six months to fix my teenager
Teenagers are not that predictable, and putting a time limit on your teens treatment is just plain unrealistic! How long it will take for your teen to return to the loving child you once knew will depend on the issues they are experiencing, and whether there is any underlying condition that needs treatment. Experienced professionals should be able to give you a reasonable estimate of an approximate timeframe, but even they cannot be sure how your teenager will respond to treatment.
There is an additional danger to assuming this short a period of time, it does not allow your teenager to take this seriously and see it as an important phase of their life. They could see this, instead, as a sort of extended vacation, or short term sentence with time off for good behavior! They are unlikely to change much, instead they will just wait for you to bring them home, hoping that you have "forgiven" them their previous behavior. If you set an arbitrary time limit, what happens if they are not "fixed" at the end of six months? Do they come home anyway? Or, worse, does the teen expect to come home and then find their time extended, making it seem like a punishment because they could not get better quicker?
Dealing with your teenager's absence
- Try to see your teens' treatment as a process, rather than a one off occurrence
- Discuss with a therapist an estimate of time, but to be realistic, double that
- Do not make your teen any promises about how long they will be away
- Build in times when you will see them, and always make a visit you have booked, do not let your teen don by canceling at the last minute
- Arrange regular telephone times and stick to them; it helps your troubled teen to have a routine and to know that they can trust you to keep to a schedule
- Occasionally send your teenager a letter, they are far more personal than e mails and will end up being treasured
- Keep a diary for yourself, and note any special happenings so that you can show our teen when they return and get them up to speed
Understand that when your teenager returns, their treatment is not over, it will need to be followed up at home, and you may also need some training and counseling whilst they are away. Do not expect your teenager to be "fixed"; try to see this as your teenager changing over time and replacing bad behavior with good.