My teen is defiant, is boarding school an option?

There are cases where a teenager becomes so out of control that the very act of finding them help becomes a minefield, because the teenager refuses all help offered. The courts will sometimes offer support; when faced with a teenager charged of petty crime and anti-social behavior; many courts are now including therapy as part of the sentence and some understand the value of teenage boarding schools, boot camps and wilderness camps.

They are reluctant to put teenagers in prison, and will sometimes rule that attending some sort of therapeutic institution is a condition of the teens' sentence. However out of control your teenager is, when faced with prison or boarding school, most will choose the latter. Offering to send your teenager on a rehabilitation program may help to avoid them having a criminal record, but your teenager needs to know that this is the stark choice!

If you have a teenager that is about to be expelled from school, this is your opportunity to suggest an alternative education program. Invest, if you can, in an educational consultant who will screen appropriate schools for your teenager; the more troubled the teen the more specific a school you need.

• Talk to your teenager about the options you have, including being unable to offer them a roof over their head if their bad behavior continues.


• Explain that there is no longer a choice about staying with you, but there is a choice about where they go and that the schools they can choose from are for both their academic and their emotional well being.


• If they will not agree a school, tell them which one you have selected.


• Visit the school if you can, ideally, with your teenager. This may be your chance to actually enroll them, and they may agree to stay there, or it could at least reduce their resistance to the idea.


• Ask the school if they provide an escort service, or check with the educational consultant; they will know of private services trained in escorting troubled teens.


• On the day, see if your partner/husband/wife can go on ahead of you, and pack your teens bags.


• When the escort service arrives, most teens realize that their parents are serious and there is no alternative; they usually go without a great deal of fuss.

It is important throughout this process that your teenager knows you are trying to find somewhere that will help them, that this is not a punishment. A good boarding school will offer parents their own support program, to enable them to understand what led to their teen's behavior breakdown, and learn how to help support their teen's progress in the future.