Teenagers who disconnect from family life

Families do not exist well if there are people within the unit not pulling their weight. There is a role for every member of the family and a perception of fairness is important, especially for the younger members of the family. Teenagers may be far more interested in their friends and high school than their family, for at least a period of time, and this can cause real friction within the family.

If the teenager is the eldest child the expectations will be greater, hard as parents try to be fair, they nevertheless expect older children to shoulder more of the family chores than younger kids. If the teenager is the youngest in the family, and there are still adult children at home, the teenager may be used, as a child, to being spoiled and getting away with a lot as far as contribution to the family is concerned.

There are some teenagers who seem to be bone idle, they do not expect to help, they often do homework at the last minute, or not at all, and they take absolutely no responsibility for any part of family life. This is not just about doing chores, although that may be a part of it. This is the teenager that has disconnected from the family unit, does not seem to care much about the family, comes home, eats, disappears into their room and does not communicate.

They may not be in serious trouble at school, apart from some concerns that they are slapdash about some subjects, or perhaps late with homework. The parents cannot say that their teenager is acting out or being defiant, their teenager rarely even engages in discussion or arguments. However, the teen's behavior is a cause for concern to the parents who may feel they have an alien living in their house.

If the teen believes their comfortable existence may be disrupted, by parents withdrawing privileges for example, they will grudgingly do the chores assigned to them, no more, no less. They will not help their siblings and they do not want to participate in family outings. There may be something about which they are passionate, a sport, a hobby, a particular subject at school, at which time they become animated and interested, but still shut the parents out.

Although this type of behavior is not disrupting the family and the teen is not actually in trouble, it is nonetheless, disturbing behavior and should not be ignored. A teenager this emotionally shut off from the family unit has some deep seated issues that must be resolved. A lack of empathy for others and a total disinterest in those who should be very important to the teenager is an indicator of a personality disorder. The parents need to send their teenager for assessment, and probably therapy, before they completely lose any connection with their child.