Why do teenagers challenge authority?

When your teenager was a small child, they used to drive you crazy, constantly asking, "why?" whenever you tried to teach them something. After patiently explaining why, sixteen times, you may have reached the point of total exasperation and finally answered, "Because I say so"! Often, this works, and the child stops asking questions for a while, and you breathe a sigh of relief. As children grow up they accumulate a lot of knowledge, part of which is, that some questions will not be answered and that adults know best.

When they reach their teenage years, they will start to question whether adults know best and challenge some notions that they have lived with for some time. The truth is, sometimes adults get it wrong, make mistakes, or just do not know the answer. For a teenager; the discovery that the most important adults in their life can be wrong can be quite devastating. Parents try their hardest to keep their children safe, and sometimes they hide unpleasant truths from them, reasoning that the child is too young to cope, and that as they grow up, they will gradually help them understand the not so nice side of life.

Unfortunately, teenagers often find out these truths for themselves, before the parent has a chance to explain or help them understand. The realization that an adult may have lied to them can cause a teenager to question anyone with authority; they lose trust in them and begin to challenge their right to tell the teenager what to do. The teenager who is challenging authority can get into a lot of trouble, and the parent, who also represents authority, may have little impact on them. This loss of trust in adults can extend to teachers at school, pastors at church and even the police.

At first, the teenager will tend to challenge at a minor level, questioning a parental decision, testing to see whether the parent can regain the teenagers trust. If the parent persists with the, "Because I say so" approach, the teenager will lose further faith and the challenges will increase. Teenagers are on the verge of adulthood and expect some respect for that fact, they are still children, but they want to be treated like adults. It is a balancing act for the parent, allowing the teenager freedom but also keeping them safe.

It is possible to allow the teenager some say in decision making, but some parents do not feel their teenager is ready for it, and the teenager feels their parent does not trust them. When your teenager starts to question decisions, do not automatically see it as a challenge to your authority, take the question seriously. Use this as a chance to discuss more adult matters with your teenager and explain your point of view; you may be surprised to find that all your teenager wanted was to understand and contribute.