What to do about your teenage daughters' fury

It used to be sugar and spice, now it's not so nice. The rise in girl gangs is an indicator that girls are fighting too, and it's getting worse. Experts in the field of anger management are seeing more and more girls and the police now have specialist girl gang task forces. Girls going round in groups is nothing new, being in with the "in-crowd" has always been a teenage girls' goal, being left out is the source of much anxiety. High school is a social environment and cliques and groups are the stuff of high school gossip; the need to belong is very strong in teenage years. However, the initiation rituals of these groups are becoming more and more aggressive and dangerous.

Emancipation is often blamed for the rise in girl violence, the idea that girls' equality means they are now choosing to be as aggressive as boys is much exaggerated. The influence of the media is much more likely to be a factor. More and more music videos feature tough talking women who can hold their own physically with men; images of women boxing and the rise in action movies with martial arts expertise displayed by women is contributing to the notion that women and violence is an acceptable match.

There is some scientific evidence that the increase in testosterone levels in the atmosphere is contributing to an increased level in violence generally. If you are the parent of a teenage girl who loses her temper at the drop of a hat, scientific evidence is of little help. You are more likely to be confused and dismayed that your lovely little girl has turned into a foul mouthed aggressive teenager. Anger is a form of defiance; it gives the teenager an adrenaline rush that enables them to say things they normally do not have the courage to say. In many teenagers it is also a cry for help; after the anger has dissipated they often feel sick and shaky, anger is a very unpleasant and destructive emotion.

Your task as a parent is to help your defiant teenager to find another, safer, way to express their frustration. The first step is to identify the triggers for their anger, it may be something very trivial to you, but to your teen it is enough to tip them over the edge. The next step is to find a way for them to stall the anger, delay the feelings until they can find another way to express them. This may be as simple as counting, leaving the room, finding a way to have a "time out" breathing space. Then you need to establish an alternative mechanism for the expression of that anger. Physical exertion, like running, boxing, gym, cycling, even punching pillows in the safety of their bedroom has all been shown to work.

Understand, a lot of teenagers grow out of their anger, as much is down to hormonal disturbance as anything else. You can help by remaining calm, talking your teen through it, and if all else fails, get them some professional help.