What makes a teenager become a bully?

All parents worry about their child being bullied at school, the newspapers are full of horror stories about extreme cases of bullying, and You Tube even carries videos of teenagers bullying. Parents have become more and more aware that their teenager will not always tell them that they are being bullied and so have learnt to ask questions to find out if this is happening. Bullying is a subjective topic; what one child sees as bullying, another may see as horseplay and a bit of fun.

The general rule for most schools is that if a child feels they are being bullied, then it needs to be treated as bullying. Generally speaking, girls are more likely to bully verbally, and boys more likely to get involved in physical bullying, although there are an increasing number of girls who are using physical intimidation to get what they want. The bully is not the only person who is culpable in incidents of bullying; their followers who do nothing to stop it, and encourage the bullying are equally guilty.

Adults have been shocked to see videos of bullying where there are a crowd of teenagers watching, and cheering on the humiliation. The very fact that a teenager feels they can video these incidents without qualm, is upsetting to most observers. So, what do you do if incidents of bullying are discovered at your teenagers' high school and you find out that your teenager was involved? The degree of involvement is obviously important, you need to find out if your teen was on the periphery, actively encouraging the bullying, or is in fact, the lead bully. Most parents will react with disbelief if the high school principal tells them that their child is a bully.

Often, a bully may appear to be quite mild mannered and non-confrontational at home. Parents may even have worried that their child was being bullied, and it is not uncommon for a child who is bullied in their early teens to become a bully later, as they grow older and get bigger. Not all bullies are large, strong, teenagers; some small slight children use bullying behavior as compensation for their size on the premise that attack is the best form of defense.

Not all bullies are academically of low ability, some of the cruelest verbal bullying and ritual humiliation is carried out by highly intelligent teenagers. Most bullies suffer from low esteem or feel that they must assert their superiority in order to stay safe, fit in, to avoid being bullied. Teenagers are fascinated by violence and yet afterwards, will feel remorse that they did little to stop it. Some teenagers follow bullies because they are scared the bully will turn on them if they do not support them. Parents need to talk to their teenagers about the secure ways to report bullying, the option to walk away, rather than support a bully, and the need to see the bullying from the victims perspective.