Negative Peer Pressure And Bad Friends
One of the best indicators that your teen is entering a new way of life is the choice of friends he is making. Many teens will leave the friends they have been with for many years and begin hanging out with a negative group of friends. This is because the old group of friends is still behaving the same way they used to. They are not interested in participating in the types of things the new friends are. If you are worried about the new group of friends your child is hang out with invite them over and talk with them get to know who they are, who their parents are, and what their interests are. By alienating them you are alienating your child also. It is also a good idea to get to know the parents of the new group of negative friends. You may find an ally among the parents of the possible negative kids.
Some parents have spoken to teachers at school about the choice of friends their child currently has. A teacher has the unique opportunity to see a teen in action as they interact with other peers. A teacher will also be able to communicate what kinds of friends your child is hanging out with. They may be restricted as to what they can tell you, but you should be able to get a pretty good idea as to what type of kids your teen is associating with.
For a parent of a troubled teen hanging out with a new negative group of friend’s life can be very challenging. The parent’s first instinct is to demand that their teen no longer see any of their new friends. This usually has the reverse results creating a situation where the rebellious teen will begin sneaking out or lying about who they are going with. The positive approach is usually better. Invite the negative friends in talk to them get to know them there is a chance you may be able to help them get back on the right track.
Nothing is more disconcerting than to receive a call from the police department at 2:00 a.m. asking if a parent knows where their teen is? The parents answers that the teen is in bed. When the police officer tells them that they are in reality sitting in his patrol car the parent is shocked. The parent now is forced to sleep with one eye open or install some type of alarm system on their home. The parents lose the comfort they used to have when they locked the house for the night with the thought that their family was all safe and sound.
When a teen sneaks out at night this is nothing more than a more passive form of defiance. What the teen is really saying is, "I am not going to obey house rules but I am not going to argue with you either". This passive aggressive style is very common. Sometimes a teen that operates this way is more difficult to monitor. They aren’t doing what they are asked they just act like they are. To an unobservant parent the child could go very far down the road to negative behavior before the parent becomes aware of what has been going on.
"A Loner" No Friends
If your teen seems to have lost his or her friends and is spending more and more time alone it may be something that you may try to help them with. They will eventually try to push you away and tell you that everything is ok, but parents need to be available to assist in this time of transition. If your child is new in an area after a recent move it will take some time to transition into a new setting. In some cases when a new student moves into a new area they are first contacted by the less desirable element, as they are always looking for new recruits. This of course is not always the case, but does happen quite frequently.
Some frustration occurs for a teen when they are not accepted in the tight upper echelon of popular kids. This can create feelings of despair to an insecure teenager. If they try to move into the upper circle they may not only be rejected but ridiculed for having tried to make such a move. This can happen because those that are barely accepted in the fringes of the upper circle do not want to lose their place to a new comer. This may seem silly to an adult that is no longer in the heat of this battle, but it is very real to the teen being rejected. One concern with a teen becoming a loner is that of depression. If a teen has changed from a fairly sociable person to a loner this is something that needs to be explored. The loner teen usually has something that is keeping them from making friends and a more normal socially involved lifestyle. As with anything a teen that spends his or her time alone may be doing just fine, but it is still something to keep an eye on.